....now?

" ..... now? " 

A question I have asked everyday since Feb 13, 2020. 

What do I do now?  Who am I now?? This is not what I wanted.  What will I do with all this time I have... now?  I don't have a large space to clean.. now. I don't have a yard to keep or a garden..now.  I had grown so accustomed to being busy....rest was/is hard...now.  

I am drowning.  

How do I swim... now?  How do I do this...now??  There was nothing...now...for me to 'dig into' to make any of this feel better.    

My own weak character kicked in.  

I started drinking.  The drinking lead to bad company. Bad company lead to bad decisions. Bad decisions lead to consequences. 

I have said for years to my 'then growing children'... Bad choices = bad consequences, Good choices = good consequences.  

How do I fix all of this... now?  

Now.... WHAT DO I WANT NOW!!???

NOW...I want healthy relationships. 

NOW...I want to have a healthy self-image. 

NOW...I want to recognize how I am feeling better and what helps me accomplish that. 

NOW...I want a better understanding of good boundaries AND how to implement them. 

NOW...I want a cordial relationship with **him** - still divorced, but cordial just the same. 

NOW...I have a direction!!