Old Lesssons

As the pastor was about to dismiss us to enjoy 

the rest of the day celebrating Christ's Resurrection,

 my husband gave me his hand to hold.  

He was told when our oldest was about 

to be born to "only offer two fingers for a hand during a contraction". 

The theory, according to the nurse, was it 

would cause less pain for my husband.  

Now, I am not proud to say that my husband and I lived together 

before getting married. 

So, upon moving in, my then fiancé decided that 

I needed some skills of self-defense.

He WAS NOT thinking about one thing: 

I would need someone to practice on. 

So, as per tradition each Sunday, our congregation, 

when dismissed, spends 

the following hour visiting 

- Yes, I am serious. -  

The children play and the adults visit. 

The gentleman that sat in front of my husband and I turned around and  

extended his hand to shake my husband's hand. 

My husband gave an amusing response: 

A grimacing face and a soft, buckling knee. 

I giggled.

My husband, as he grabbed my hand to hold, I took three fingers and squeezed. 

I squeezed hard causing his grimace and soft knee.

The gentleman responded with a question on his face. 

I explained that when my husband and I moved in together He (my husband) 

had taught me a self-defense tactic.

 The tactic includes stretching the thumb toward the wrist.

 It is something that, if done correctly, can bring a person to their knees. 

I explained to the gentleman that my husband did not think about practice and

That some lessons are used for good and some for bad. 

But all lessons are useful.

New adults: Children who are now adults

If you have read some of my previous blogs, you will know that 

we have become empty nesters in the past few years.  

I have enjoyed being a mom of an adult.  

I keep wanting to describe them as 'adult children', 

but they are not...adult children.  

There are a lot of advantages of becoming an adult:

 independence, 

the opportunity to gain respect of maturity and wisdom,

 the opportunity to fully experience bad decision making and 

consequences with no parental net to cushion

 the fall for bad decisions, the opportunity to 

experience good decision making and 

consequences with many people to stand around cheering 

for good decisions, time is our own with no dictators, 

work could be my choice (or not), sleeping could 

be my choice (or not),  what and 

when to eat (or not)....

so many advantages. 

There is a disadvantage to becoming adult: 

 the mindset of being self-reliant - (PRIDEFUL) -

thinking that I can do it alone.  

As we navigate sharing this world with these 'new' adults 

(ours and others), we experience and hear other's 

experience with these 'new' adults 

wrestling the question "How do we do this?".  Our 

pastor and his wife gave us some good advice: 

they are no different than any other adult you share this world with.  

If we plan to have a relationship with 

these adults, old and new, some key ingredients 

are prayer, consideration and the freedom, 

for ourselves and these new adults, 

to make decisions as they see fit for their family.  

When they exercise good decision-making, 

praise God and cheer with the loudest voice on their side of the fence.  

When they exercise bad decision-making, 

praise God andstand with them, 

without judgement, to allow them the opportunity to 

see it as a bad judgement and take responsibility of correction.  

These 'new adults', that were once my children, are adults 

- PERIOD - 

that I had the privilege of watching 

grow up and step in to their adult roles.  

What they need from me now is not my 

parenting skills...they need me to apply a generous

 amount of prayer and freedom to figure out how to 

throttle the advantages of being an adult.  

One thing that hasn't changed: 

I still want to protect them, correct them, and guide them. 

Another thing that hasn't changed: 

I still pray for them.