We celebrated 18y married on October 14, 2013...
About a month ago Chon and I had the opportunity to attend a United Marriage Encounter.
Scheduled for October 18-20, I asked Chon if he would like to attend a marriage encounter for our anniversary. He responded with "sure". Most couples see weekends like this to reconnect with uninterrupted talk, connecting, etc. Truth be known...This weekend was a last ditch effort to save our marriage.
The past 11 years we have had 'life' happen. Chon has traveled extensively at times and short periods of time, along with being laid off for months at a time causing financial strain, and now not having a any kind of schedule with no end in sight....you know life!! In the meantime, staying connected was beginning to be non-existent. Having time to be a couple was also becoming non-existent. Unfortunately, still being married was the standard of 'doing good in our relationship'. Having the standard of 'still being married' as a barometer within a relationship is not a gauge that any relationship should use. We both love the Lord... Praying for each other and our role as a spouse was not lacking, but our willingness to forgive and allow grace was.
We chose to leave our children at home - alone. This would be the first time they would be left alone overnight --- EVER. This would be the first time we have had some alone time intentionally focusing on each other--in 12 years. Our plan was to grab a bite to eat at a sit down restaurant and then check-in at registration by 600p. The sit down restaurant didn't happen...Yes, Chon was a little disgruntled because he was REALLY looking forward to Chinese--instead we had Hardee's. French fries always make things better. :) Right??
Arriving at registration...our questions about what this weekend would hold were building. All we knew about this 'United Marriage Encounter" was that it focused on marriages. Looking back now, I was given A LOT of information with details about what the weekend would hold, but I believe now that it was God's way of protecting us. Had I paid attention to the detailed information I was given, I may have backed out of that commitment.
We survived the weekend, and still wanted to be married - to each other!! We learned a lot about each other as a couple and as individuals. I learned about myself that I get very gripped with fear and lack of trust with a result of shutting down to protect myself, but from what?? Chon learned that 'still being married' doesn't mean good marriage. Neither one of us have ever considered breaking our vows as a result of our 'disconnect', but we also decided, after our encounter weekend, that our vows had deeper meaning than we had been living them. The marriage vow is not intended to spotlight me for me or Chon for Chon, but rather me for him and he for me.
So what did we learn from this weekend overall:
1. Why we still chose to be married to each other.
2. That all of our issues were issues we could get thru
3. That our goals for our future together and apart were still the goals that we both wanted.
4. How important it is to invest in our relationship on a daily basis-not a weekly, monthly, bi-monthly basis.
5. There's a difference between communication and discussing the events of tomorrow
6. Communication is our BIGGEST glitch and will be our BEST correction.
7. Grace is given and received.
8. That fighting for the best is tough, but settling for 'just okay' is a lonely existence.
Marriages are a perfect picture of the relationship between God and Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ and man, man and woman, and parents and children.... So then when marriages have aligned themselves to how God designed then the picture becomes the picture of Christ and the church, the church's response to the world.
Chon and I know that the road ahead of us is not going to be an easy road of 'making new, better habits', but will be worth every good fight for the BEST things. Maybe if more people would see the 'good fight' is about fighting for what God would fight for and what God designed....there would be less broken homes.
Here's a thought: Let's stop fighting about how to split our 'material things' and start fighting for the 'best things in life'.
