Care (part 2 )

If you read my previous post, you learned a little bit about "Little Bobby".

Because of "Little Bobby's" health concerns, my decision to 

care for his basic needs is not an option.

Nor is it an option for his parents and grandparents.

In order for his basic needs to be met, he depends on them (or me)

'to give attention' to or 'care' for him. 

Here's what I can expect from myself: 

1. To invest good will. 

2. Caution. 

3.  A responsiblity to see you as a person. 

4.  A responsibility to treat you with an 

understanding that your value, placed by God, 

was given and completed upon conception. 

5.  An understanding that anything I have learned, 

because God allowed, is for me- and I can not expect you to 

understand what God has allowed for me to learn. 

6.  A realization that God will allow lessons for you...trust Him. 

7.  When you ask about what I have learned, then AND ONLY THEN will

I insert my opinion or perspective.  It is at that point, that you can decide to 

what to do with I have learned.  In other words, I will 

not expect you to learn from my mistakes and I will not 

expect you to want to understand what I learned unless you ask. 

"Little Bobby" depends on me when I am entrusted with his care. 

People assume he does not need what you and I, 

with out a special need, 

need. 

Things like companionship, trust that you will care, 

a smile, or a kind word,

 but, on the contrary, 

every person, created in the image of God

 (this includes everyone), 

needs the same thing: 

To be cared for as a "little Bobby".

That's my responsibility. 

Care

I have the privilege of working with a family as a respite caregiver.  

When the mom approached me and asked if I would be willing to help, 

my out loud and first response was "Sure".  

I like to help people.  

(Sometimes too much if I am honest.)

So I committed. 

I really didn't know the mom well.

But....

I had grown to really love her parents, and   

she and I "knew" each other from church.

What I did know was that she was 

VERY private about herself and her private life. 

I didn't understand. 

The part that I didn't understand was this driving 

need to protect her child with special needs. 

I don't have a child with special needs - 

how could I ever understand. 

Now, if we all admit, as a parent, we can all 

become somewhat irrational when it comes

to protecting our children. 

This was not like that. 

I have since grown to love "Little Bobby", 

his momma, and grown 

an ever deeper respect

for his grandparents.  They had just

buried his parents a few years before this...

and they went right into caring for "Little Bobby". 
"Little Bobby" does require around the clock attention. 

Not 100% attention, but 'attention'.

Enter my role...

I was nervous.  He was more care for one person than I had ever

encountered. There was a lot to learn about him and his care. 

They left me with him. 

Entrusting me with someone that only family 

had cared for....they trusted me!!

I began that commitment four years ago. 

"Little Bobby" has taught me so much. 

He has taught me what determination, perspective, and contentment really looks like 

You see.... "Little Bobby"...

He is not verbal - as we understand verbal, but he does communicate. 

He is not mobile - as we understand mobile, but he gets to where he wants to go. 

He is smart, intriguing, aware of others...

He gets hurt, angry, sad, disappointed (I think this only happens when he sees me as his caregiver). 

Care is a funny thing. 

Defined care means that suffering of mind, apprehension, charge or supervision, 

painstaking or watchful attention, to feel interest or concern, to give care. 

As I continue to spend time with "Little Bobby" and his family...

the feeling of concern has grown. 

I had to relinquish parts of my commitment to a family commitment of my

own and knowing he was taken care of by someone else was tough. 

I finally understood that protection that his momma felt. 

The 'new' caregiver was/is my daughter.  

You would think that i would have confidence in her ability to care for him. 

You see, it is not her lack of capability it is because I have grown to care 

for his needs like he is my child. 

I finally understood the necessity of respite caregivers.  

Giving care is hard. 

Fortunately, I have not been in a position to request for 

respite care giving for my own care or a family member's care. 

I am grateful.

But I also will never ask someone that is a position of constant

care giving to 'do more'. 

Everyone of us are involved in a relationship of some sort. 

A spouse. 

A parent. 

A child.

A sibling. 

A neighbor. 

I am firm believer I should 

care for you, in my relationship, as something 

of value and fragility. 

Asking me to give more in a common everyday relationship

is not asking too much.