A few days ago my husband and I spent the afternoon with a sweet couple that's been married for a number of years, have two grown children, and multiple grandchildren. They love the Lord and each other evidenced in desiring first to seek the Lord and being willing to give us their afternoon. As we shared our hurt and sought their counsel, we knew full well that they would be honest with us, at all cost and love as the umbrella, we persevered.
You see a few years ago the Lord saw fit to begin the healing of our home. Our home prior to this was a mess...
Priorities out of whack.
Idols bigger than ourselves.
Pursuits that proved to be shallow and with end.
A family divided.
Hearts hurting.
Self-protection was building.
Relationships crumbling.
Damage was the tornado.
A desire to honor the Lord being ill-equipped.
God's Word readily accessible.
Humbled, but scared.
Healing a lot of times is like peeling back an onion. There are lots of layers and tears. So the peeling began...the healing started with my hubs and I being determined to reconcile our marriage.
A husband that invested in his job.
A wife that was lonely.
Things were done and said that could not be taken back.
Years lost that could not be given back.
Actions were taken to accept responsibilities.
Forgiveness sought.
A 'new couple' surfaced.
We were naive to think at that point that the 'layers' were done, but it was just getting started. The Lord has been good to protect our children from many of the world's snares, but sadly those He placed to be their protection was busy causing the damage.
Children who desired to be protected.
A father who did not know how or why.
A mother who did not know how.
I couldn't protect them....
Children that wanted to honor the Lord in spite of us.
There's a reason that God designed a man and a woman to be 'the beginning' of a family. It takes BOTH the mom and the dad anatomically to create a baby. The baby, even at the onset of delivery, need the impact of the momma and the daddy spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Why...how have we reduced the value of a human life so far that the act of possibly creating a life is done with so much of a child-like approach?
As we sat with this precious couple, the Lord was good to show me something that was unexpected: I thought I had forgiven my hubs!! I haven't forgiven him, but our son and daughter, who had been witnesses to the years of damage, continued 'the damage' through actions, mindsets, responses, etc. My anger/hurt had been transferred to them. I am so tired of fighting for and with them...and the damage continues... I couldn't even protect them from me.
Through the conversation, it also surfaced that the fear of not having my hubs protection, as our spiritual leader, during those years was a real fear. They need the protection of their father. His approach after our reconciliation should not be discounted, but I tried for many years to protect our children from the lack of 'know how' from us. There were years without protection prior to reconciliation...the protection of their Earthly father. I couldn't protect our children from this lack of protection. As a result, they gave their hearts to others and built an opinion that they are not valued. I couldn't protect them from still needing their father. I couldn't be their father....only he could be that no matter how hard I tried. We are grateful that the Lord is not done with us...as a family or individuals. What a humbling process...
We are fighting, but now we (my hubs and I) are done fighting each other. My hubs is seeking the Lord. Together, my hubs and I with the help of the Lord, we are determined to seek reconciliation....even if that means showing how much we love our children in unconventional ways. We know that we have a responsibility to help in the repair and reconciliation.
